Realizations While Listening To My Outdated Playlist and Doing a Puzzle

• If I had really listened to the lyrics of "Doo Wop (That Thing)" instead of just boogeying to it, I wouldn't have gotten in nearly so much trouble when I was younger.
• I need to get more Maxwell music.
• Why didn't Whitney Houston and Babyface do a duet? I love "Give You My Heart" and can't imagine what they could have done together.
• It's no surprise that Stevie Wonder was named UN Ambassador of Peace. "Love's In Need of Love Today" is one of the reasons I'm becoming a social worker. He is the truth.
• So much of my healing as a person has come about through music. At times, I may listen just to be entertained, but I'm always impressed by the way music can speak to me when I need it to.
• I miss running. I loved turning on some fast-paced tunes and escaping for 30 minutes a day. I never feel that way with any other exercise.
• I'd rather jam out to my music from the 90s than any new stuff that's out right now. Music used to have soul.
• Puzzles are yet another thing Kalem and I can't do together. We started the 1,000-piece puzzle together and only got through the edges together. Now, I'm finishing it alone. I'm glad for this time to myself but wish we could find a hobby together that doesn't require a screen.
• I need a break. Kalem and I talk about it all of the time, but I'm reaching a breaking point. If we can't do anything soon, I'm going to go to a hotel by myself for a few days.
• It's getting really cold, so I have to start preparing for the gloom that sometimes hits me when I cease feeling my fingers. I hate winter, especially in Pittsburgh, but at this moment, I couldn't live anywhere else.
• Laura Izibor will take the world by storm. She's so incredible.
• Why don't more people love Jonny Lang?
• Since starting IE, I've felt lighter but heavier at the same time. I'm thrilled that I'm not as driven by food, but having so many feelings at once sucks. It's going to be a real process to learn how to navigate through them. Doing puzzles gives me time to think while focusing on something positive.
• Ah, that's where that piece goes.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I would never post an entry on a holiday due to spending time with my loved ones, but I'm at work and felt that this would be a great time to catch up. :) Happy Thanksgiving, y'all! I hope you're not at work like me!

Not too much has happened since I last blogged. Fortunately, I went to the doctor after work on Sunday and was told I have a cold rather than anything worse. Woohoo! I'm pretty much over it now and feel much, much better. I was so encouraged by having a minor cold that I was really aggressive in treating it and feel great now. I made the really hard decision not to work out and I actually think it helped. I know that sometimes exercise can help with getting healthier faster, but with my compromised immune system from being sick so much this year, I knew I needed the break. I'm looking forward to getting back with my Turbo Jam. I've also been thinking of trying yoga more. I used to do it more often, but it fell to the wayside. I know it would help with my stress level and lack of flexibility. So, I'll be looking into it. Another blogger and fellow IE-er, Christie, has got me hankering for it again. :)

We cooked all last night for Thanksgiving and I'm excited to get to it tonight. I'm a bit nervous about how I'm going to do as my first holiday as an intuitive eater. It surely didn't turn out well for Thanksgiving Eve! I'm most looking forward to the fresh veggies and stuffing. It should be really nice.

I'm grateful for so many things today. I think it's such a great practice to take time to remember how much good and beauty there is in my life. I thought I could make a list, but I'd be typing forever! I am most grateful for my husband, Kalem. He is such a blessing in my life. I'm so grateful, too, for my health, our home, our finances, and our loved ones. I'll stop now, because I'm grateful for so much more than this, too! :)

I'd write more, but work is actually crazy, sadly. Hope you're all having a great day!

Decisions, Decisions

This has been a rather eventful week! Well, not really, but I've been doing a lot of thinking and it's been nice to have the opportunity to do so. I feel a lot more settled in myself right now and more focused on meeting my goals. You know I love lists, so here are some of the changes I've made:

School. Kalem will be changing from part-time (6 hours) to full-time (9 hours). This will enable him to graduate May 2011 rather than December 2011. This is great news because he'll finish sooner and still get to work full-time. He's planning to stay with the Brashear Association for a long, long time and will be glad to graduate earlier while doing so.

Where does that leave me? We can only afford for one of us to go full-time and decided for it to be Kalem. I will be staying part-time and graduating December 2010. I'm okay with this, though, for a lot of reasons. I'm completely bogged down at work and just don't know if I can take another class. I'm desperate for rest as it is (not that Kalem is any more relaxed!). Also, it will be nice to graduate at a closer time to Kalem so we can be on more of an even path. I am grateful for more of an opportunity to focus on my health and the house as well. I won't deny that I was disappointed at first, but it will work out for the best.

Work. I was asked by my supervisor a few days ago if I plan to stay at my organization after I get my MSW. I'm not entirely sure. I love my organization--what it stands for, who I work with, the benefits package. I've never had another "adult" job and can't imagine working anywhere else. Still, I'm not sure what will be available for me with this degree. People who work at WC&S stay a long time--all of the people in supervisory positions have been here forever. I know that it would be great for me to try a new environment and learn new skills. I also know what I want in a job as a social worker, so if I can't find it here, I will be looking elsewhere. This isn't actually a big/concrete decision, but I feel secure in the knowledge that I may be leaving WC&S for something new once I get licensed as a social worker in the spring of 2011.

Health. Oh, boy. I've been thinking a lot about my health and wellness this week! I just finished reading a fascinating book titled Health at Every Size that really spoke to me. It fits in with all of the IE principles, but also talks about the science behind the movement. I loved it. I've decided to start trying to eat more whole foods and making meat a smaller part of my diet. The latter effort won't be hard as I barely eat meat as it is, but eating whole foods will be a hard but welcome challenge. I love processed foods! I want to be more mindful of what I eat and the part it plays in the larger community. I want to eat more locally and with more gratitude for the food entering my body. I already love farmer's markets during the summer and will now start trying to buy most of our produce at the local co-op during the cold season. Though our yard is not quite ready to sustain produce, I'm sure we can get fresh fruits and vegetables in a local way. I'm really excited about this concept.

Yesterday, I woke up with a really sore throat. I'm starting to feel a lot better, but it's still bothersome. I'm forcing myself to go to the doctor right away because I don't want to be sick during the Thanksgiving holiday. I'm hoping it's nothing too drastic. I've come to the conclusion that I'm just going to have to be patient as my body heals from unhealthy ways I've treated it in the past. I'm sure that within the next year or so I'll start feeling really healthy. Fortunately, this throat thing hasn't knocked me on my back! I can tell my attitude has changed already because I didn't cry tears of frustration when I realized I was under the weather again.

I've also decided to focus on the simplest aspect of IE right now: eat what you want when hungry and stop when you're full. I thought seriously about moving forward through the principles but I think that for now, this is the best stage for me. I don't want to jump into some emotional work on myself so close to the holidays when it's easy to overeat without thought. I plan to get really started on working through the principles in the new year. I look forward to it with a bit of caution. It's hard enough just doing the bare bones--I can't imagine how anything else will work in me.

Kalem. Kalem and I are doing well. We rarely see each other and have made the decision to start getting a hotel room one night per month to reconnect and rest really well. I'm excited about this idea! We work really hard and I'm glad we'll have a chance to reward ourselves a bit.

I hope that you are all well! We are happy here in the Wright household. Thanksgiving is fast-approaching and I look forward to it. We'll be spending it with Raji and I think it will be a good time. I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving!

Long Time Coming

Holy smokes, I've got to start blogging more often. I think I'm going to set a day to do it (like Kalem) so that there's more regularity. Anyhoo, to the updates!

The greatest news is that I am not sick! I feel pretty darn great right now. I had a wicked cold a few weeks ago, but since then, I've not felt under the weather. Thank the gods. This year has really been a doozy on my health and I'm hoping to find more balance from this point forward.

My intuitive eating has been going well. Even on days when I feel frustrated with focusing so much on my hunger, I realize that it's just what I need to be doing right now. I'm learning more patience with the process. I have been eating out of control for years, so I'm coming to terms with the fact that it will take years for me to get back on track. I'm also coming to terms with the idea that I may be what is deemed "overweight" for the rest of my life. I'm okay with that (I won't admit to being okay with possibly being obese. That's a work in progress.) But I want to be healthy at this size, too. I'm reading a great book right now called Health at Every Size that really goes well with the IE lifestyle. I like it a lot because it explains the research behind the theory rather than just saying "it works, trust me". I'm not very far into it, but I'm really liking it.

As far as exercise, I'm in love with Chalene Johnson again. How do I keep forgetting how amazing Turbo Jam is?! I'm trying to walk outside as much as I can, but my schedule rarely lets me, so it's nice to be able to do this fun workout. It's been kicking my butt because I'm so out of shape, but I love it.

School is fine. Due to the number of days off my teacher is allowing us to have, I only have two actual days in a classroom left this semester. Woohoo! This semester has been cake, but I will be glad when it's over. I'm just glad to be getting closer to graduating. I have been told that if I take an extra class, I can graduate in August rather than December! I'm really excited about the prospect, but have not made a real decision yet. Kalem will also be adding on an extra class. In doing so, he will be done May 2011 rather than December 2011. We're very excited! I think we're both really ready to be done with this. If I stay at my regular pace, though, we'll finish within five months of one another. So, we'll see. I need to make a decision soon. I'm glad to have the option.

Work is good as well. I never realized how much work it would entail! It's really busy here, but very rewarding. The work is hard because every client feels their situation is an emergency and housing needs never seem to end. Now that our transitional housing program has closed due to a lack of funding, I have the additional task of moving more women into new housing. It is not easy and probably the hardest part of my job right now. I'm sad to be working Sundays rather than Fridays, but am getting used to it. I think that about 1.5 year in this position will be enough while both Kalem and I finish school. It feels really good to have a job that I feel really lets me make a difference.

The house is lovely as always. After a year of paying out of the nose, we are pleased that both our gas bill and our mortgage payments have lowered. It will be great to have a little more cushion in the bank account. We have decided on a new paint color (Denim) and plan to paint and put together our walk-in closet before the new year. I am so ready to not have my clothes all over the second floor. It's going to be so cute and organized!

Kalem and I are doing well, though it's obvious that our lack of time together is a strain. Last week we celebrated seven years of knowing one another. I can't believe it's been that long. It seems like only yesterday that he was that cute boy across the room in English. I'm so glad he came into my life. I hope we can stay as connected as possible until we are finally both done with school and have our evenings back. I'm so ready for a steady schedule.

There's more to talk about, but I've got to get some sleep. I hope you are all well!

Sick and Tired

Oh, boy. Since I last wrote, I've gotten sick again! I was feeling really great for about two weeks when I caught what I have now--a really bad viral infection that's attacking all of my systems (according to my doctor). I started feeling a sore throat on Sunday and by Tuesday night, it was full-blown. I went to the doctor yesterday and was told that I can't go back to work or my internship until Monday. I am so sad. I have no appetite, either. I'm just so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I can't even work out because I'm really dehydrated! Blech.

On a good note, I'm glad that I don't have anything more intense than a viral infection (like piggy flu). This time, I'm not on antibiotics, so I'm glad for that! I feel better today than I did yesterday, so I'm feeling optimistic! The only great thing about being stuck at home (I'm so restless!) is how much "Murder, She Wrote" and reading time I have. Thanks to Allison, I've found a new love for Isabel Allende. She's another magical realist author and I can't get enough of her right now.

Otherwise, I've been well. Kalem and I have been spending a lot of time together, which has been nice. We went to Trax Farms last Saturday and had a great time picking a pumpkin and playing with the farm animals. We'd never done a corn maze and it was so much fun--though I did fall on my butt and got covered with mud! We came home that night and made chicken noodle soup with fresh ingredients from the farm and it was so lovely. We've been struggling with finding enough time to spend with each other and it's been really stressing me out. We're doing our best to work harder to have more quality time. I love him so much. He's been an absolute gem taking care of his poor sick wife, too. :).

Work is going wonderfully. I absolutely love my job! I can't gush about it more. Perhaps my only gripe is being constantly exposed to coughs and sniffles, but hopefully this will encourage me to work harder at staying healthy.

There's much more I could talk about (the transitional housing program at work, Lara and DeLynda's birthdays, my new love for Triscuits), but I'm tired. I'm going to lie down and try to rest some. Hopefully I'll be able to write more tomorrow!

In the Paint

I had a great "weekend"! On Friday night, Kalem and I went to dinner and a movie with Lara and had a good time. Kalem and I wanted to see "Couples Retreat" because of my love for Vince Vaughn and the previews. It was okay--there were some funny parts but it dragged most of the time and had really corny "poignant" scenes. Nevertheless, it was a good time!

Yesterday, we tackled the walk-in closet (formerly a very small bedroom). We cleaned the walls and applied primer and Ultra White paint. We got special high-hiding primer because the previous owners of the house loved BRIGHT, BOLD colors (!) and we knew it would be difficult to cover it up. We did one coat of the white paint and I'm pretty sure we might have to do another. After doing the coat, Kalem started painting the trim Apple Green and we both don't love it! We're both a bit perplexed--we were so sure of our choice and somehow it just wasn't right once he started. I'm still confused by it. We both are not the biggest fans of the color green but thought it would be perfect for the house. So, we decided to stop for the day, clean up, and watch Project Runway while looking at paint colors. I think the day ended well. :). It was really great working on the house with Kalem and watching it improve immediately. We aren't going to be able to paint next weekend because of social plans, so we'll try to get back into it the weekend after. If we have a color by then! We're thinking of doing blue now, which makes a lot of sense--it's our favorite color and we can match it with almost everything. The fact that it is our favorite color is why we were actually avoiding it--we're trying not to have it all over the house. Right now, the only room that's decorated in blue is our bedroom, so it should be okay. Hopefully this decision process goes as smoothly as the last time!

On the health front, I feel worlds better than I did before! I have finished my hopefully-last round of antibiotics so my focus now is on preventing getting sick again. I still am having some sinus congestion but nothing like before. In fact, I didn't even take anything for it this morning! Things are really looking up. I've been taking my vitamins and fiber regularly and avoiding eating out. Today, I am beginning a trial of not eating fast food for the rest of the month. I really hate what it does to my body, so it should be okay. I actually don't even ever crave it, so it should not be too hard. Of course, if my body asks for it, I'll eat it, but I don't expect it to. I'm also making the goal of exercising every day for the rest of the month. I know it helps me feel better, so I'm excited to see what I feel like by November.

I spoke with my supervisor and was told that I cannot go to full-time for school because it would interfere with my work schedule. I was disappointed because I'd gotten my hopes up, but it's okay. So, 433 days left! I can make it! The semester is flying by at a really easy pace, fortunately.

Work is going well. I'm still struggling with having a split weekend, but it's only for three more weeks. I'm really going to try to get a traditional weekend off, though there's a chance it will be Fridays and Saturdays. For now, I'm trying to make the most out of having a weekday off. I'm getting a lot done on that day, which is nice because Kalem and I have more time to relax on Saturdays now.

Kalem and I are doing really well. I grow more in love with him daily. We have our struggles, but there's no one else I'd want to go through life with. He's truly my greatest joy. I'm so fortunate.

On Creation

I have a friend named Lara. We met less than a year ago and even though we've not known each other long, we really click well. This may sound completely selfish, but one of the things I most appreciate is how much I've learned about myself just from knowing her. Today we got to hang out after two months of not seeing each other (even though we work in the same building, go figure!). Life has been busy/crazy for both of us, but we got a chance to grab lunch and catch up. I don't want to divulged too much on her part, but today she related a thought from something she's reading/working on: that because we were all created, we all have the ability to create. No one is "not creative"; we all are born with this innate trait but many "lose" it through time due to criticism and/or self-doubt.

This concept really struck me. I even said I'd have to write about it! It makes me wonder: what is your form of creativity? What is mine? I am fortunate to have creative people in my life. I have singers, musicians, poets, writers. Does creativity has to be a definite art? If I had to claim a form, I'd say that mine comes through the creation of dishes made with love and care or clothing made from delicious fabrics. But is that creation? All I'm doing is following directions and creating what's expected. It's an interesting thought.

I feel inspired to find more creative outlets for my life. I'm not exactly compelled to draw or anything, but perhaps more interested in finding more art and beauty in the daily activities of my life.